"And then the day came when the risk

To remain tight inside the bud was greater

than the risk to blossom"

Yesterday was one of those days, with an extra headache because of work, with another extra headache because of this guy who keeps on passing by my station. I found him irritating not because he is irritating in nature. His presence is very unnerving, anyway, I doubt that he still remembers me but still, the thought . . . . we almost had sex the first time we met but luckily we decided not to pursue our carnal intentions for each other as we have learned early that the two of us belong in the same company.

Honestly, I do not have any problems with the idea of having sex with somebody who's working in the same place where I work BUT what I do not like is the idea of socializing with the person that you had sex with in the past.

I dunno . . . . for me the idea of sex . . . . it's just SEX, unless I really like the person. Once I had sex with somebody just out of need or promiscuity, I don't want to see or to meet or to talk to the guy again. It just doesn't feel right for me.

Two ounces of headache and a pound of heart problem.

Risk. I want to talk about risks. While growing up, my parents never see me as a coward. I'm the kid who would go anywhere just to satisfy my curiosity. I remember one time that I got stucked in a drum because I insisted to my friends that I could fit in. Well the good news was, I fit in, and my friends lost a handful of toys, but the bad news, I couldn't get myself out.

The kind of attitude still runs in me as of today. I would jump off a cliff to prove gravity-however, gravity has been proven already. Darn! I would try to breathe underwater if I do not have the knowledge that humans doesn't have gills. I would go through countless adventures, as I said, just to satisfy my curiosity.

If there's RISK, of course, there's FEAR. I found the two inversely proportional; a person couldn't be a gambler if he is fearful. Of course, I am not superman to be fearless, but I have learned that I couldn't be happy without risking and facing fear.

A fear to get hurt is never in my senses. I dunno, I do not consider myself as a masochist to always crave for emotional torture but I am not afraid to get hurt. I've been there a lot of times, I've been hurt countless of times but I never seem to get tired of it.

I keep telling myself that life is a game or rather a gamble. In able for us to get what we want we have to always place our bets. If we fear that we will lose everything we have because of betting countless of times, we wouldn't achieve what we want. However, there are people who will just bet and bet without thinking. On the other hand, I could say that I am an intelligent gambler. There's study, there's observation. Once I see the right chance to bet, and then I'll give in. Of course, it's silly to place your bet if you really know that on that chip you wouldn't win. And I am not fucking silly or stupid to do that.

And not all game could be won. For me, it's better to be lost than to just sit in one corner and watch life pass by.

*sigh*

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool . . . To weep is to risk appearing sentimental . . . . . . To reach out for another is to risk involvement . . . . To expose true feelings is to risk exposing your true self . . . . . To place your ideas, your dreams before the crowd is to risk their loss . . . . . To love is to risk not being loved in return . . . . To live is to risk dying . . . . To hope is to risk despair . . . . To try is to risk failure . . . . But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing . . . . The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has Nothing and is nothing . . . . .They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot . . . . . Learn, feel, change, grow, love, live . . . . . Chained by their gratitude they are a slave, they have . . . . . Forfeited their freedom Only a person who risks is free